I am not really one to get on the “adoption soapbox” very often. However, I am going to climb on up for a few minutes and give it a whirl. I want to preface my statements with this: I know that the people who have made these comments to me are great people, and I still admire them greatly and do not wish to make anyone feel guilty or upset. I am only writing this because I hope to educate a few people out there who may in turn educate others. And perhaps give you a unique perspective into the “adoptive parent” mind. Honestly, we don’t talk or think about adoption a ton in our house, mostly because we think of our kids as, ummm, our kids. However, this is something I really felt should be addressed:
Several people, when congratulating me on our pregnancy, have made the comment, “It must be so nice to finally have one of your own!” When they say this to me I actually sort of cringe inside and thank my lucky stars that none of my kids were there to hear the comment. I mean, how would that make you feel if you heard someone say that to your mom or dad? Yes, our children came to us in a different way, but they are completely our OWN children—in fact, each one of our children has been sealed to Jack and myself in the Holy Temple and they are now “born in the covenant” because of that. I have had SO many spiritual experiences and also have even had some times when others have testified to me that that has proven to me that these children were MEANT to be “our own.” Does this mean that our home is perfect bliss all the time? Heavens no! But it does mean that we are an eternal family and we all belong to one another.
Am I excited for this pregnancy experience? Of course! I often pinch myself because I can’t believe it is true—Jack and I feel so blessed to be able to have a little body and spirit growing inside of me who will in a few short months enter into our home and world as the newest member of our family. I love that I am in the “pregnancy club” and can relate to other women about being pregnant and soon about labor and birth and all that stuff. It is awesome! And we are very excited to have another child in our family because we really enjoy having all these kids—and we love to think that our family can grow. But this child is not loved more or less because she is coming to us in a different way. The very fact that Heavenly Father waited nine years to let us get pregnant makes us realize how important it was for our other children to be ours as well!
In short (or actually long I guess) I am pretty sure that when most people make those well intentioned comments to me they understand all of this. But, I just wanted to spell out why I hope that people might change the way they word things—if not for me then for someone else in a similar situation. Perhaps start with saying, “How wonderful to have another child join your family” and then say, “You must really be excited to have this new experience with this baby!” That way if one of my kids is there they don’t feel second rate in any way—because they aren’t!
Okay, I think that is enough. Hope this makes sense—I just had to get it off my chest I guess. Now I really bet get going and get everyone ready for church—Ijust had to do this now while the thoughts were alive and well. Have a great day!
